Long time no report on decluttering progress! So before the year is half over, Toolate!! I thought I’d update y’all.
455 total so far this year is wonderful!! Considering everything that’s going on with her health, Now full time care of the girls; which we haven’t had in a year!! Then the stalking, harrassment situation– it’s a wonder we’ve been able to do anything decluttery!!
I’m so proud of the progress she’s made. And hoping she can make more, as we prepare to move– AGAIN!! This time moving is NOT our choice- it’s being forced on us. But we would move 50 times, if it meant safety and peace for our girls!! We will do ANYTHING for our babies, who aren’t babies anymore!
Next post will be my progress. Can you guess who did better???? Ooooh, cliff hanger!!
Who shot JR?? lol Who remembers that show?? Not every body is as old as you!!
Since dad died, Not has been so wonderful to Rosemary. Staying nights with her, and me when I’m there. It makes us feels so safe to have a man in the house!! And, he finished hauling off the rest of the hoard. Whew! What a beautiful sight that almost-empty-room-now is!! And the porch is completely clear!! Whoop Whoop!!
And, he’s being so wonderful to DD1, and the girls, since all this custody dispute, and harrassment has been happening. We ALL feel safer having him here with us, at night. It’s so strange how their idiot daddy never comes, or sends the police when Not is here. Hmmm, so crazy, right?? Just one big coincidence.
So, here we are, just waiting with bated breath, wondering what is gonna happen next. Knowing it won’t be anything happy.But 1 thing we DO know- it won’t be the girls leaving this house!!
So, my purpose for talking up Not so much, is to say, I’ve decided to change his name back to DH, which he still is.
Yes, he’s a lying cheater. But for now, all our safety concerns outweigh that.
So, okay, this week has been a corker too. You probably expected that.
We tried, unsuccessfully, to find a new place. The 2 cheaper ones we found, I wouldn’t make a ferret live there. And I heartily dispise ferrets!!
So, we had to come to the sad conclusion that we are forced to stay here. We are not well suited to living in the van and Kia!!
I’m writing this Thur. night.
Tuesday at noon, more knocking on the door- let’s play a guessing game- shall we?? #1.Their daddy, #2. Police, #3. DCF, or #4. All 3, or any combination.
If you said, #2- you won the prize this round!! Just a “well check.” Since we were abusing the kids, ya know. I explained to them what has been going on. And of course they already knew- our address triggered the notice of the other complaints. They suggested filing an injunction. Already done!! (And denied yesterday, by the way, due to “insufficient evidence.” I can not believe it. I think if the judge ever has a daughter go thru this, he would make a different decision next time. But I certainly don’t wish this misery on anyone!!)
The officer did say that they advised the “individual” not to call again, since its not their job to keep running over here, to check on the girls, for false reasons. Yeah, we’ll see how that goes.
The upshot was: we asked Not to basically live here, every night. Nothing ever happens when he’s here. Weird, almost like daddy is watching us. Which he is. He frequently comes down here for contracting work.
Well, it didn’t go at all. Wed. at 2 pm, as might be expected, another knock on the door. Who is it?? Their dad, gf, AND the police. Dad and gf wanted to see girls themselves. I guess the other “90”officers, and 2 DCF investigators were all just lying about the girls being okay?? PP was sitting at the table, right in view of door. But he couldn’t see her, due to DD1 body blocking the way. Of course, as soon as I heard the knocking, I came out of my room.
Softly, I said, “PP, go to Mommy’s room. Now!” She didn’t need telling twice! She scooted.
By this time, the girls are traumatized by any knock on the door, or even any noise from the cats knocking stuff over. They DO NOT want to go back to daddy, and gf. “They hurt us! And so mean! We want to stay here!”
I went to DD1’s room, and both girls said they wanted to go to my room. Sure! As soon as we were all 3 inside, the girls locked the door. “Daddy’s here to try to get us! He’s gonna hurt us again! Or gf!”
No babies, he is NOT gonna get you. Mommy, Omie, and Pop all love you, and we have promised to protect you, and never let them have you back. “Pinky promise??” Of course, babies. So, I pinky promised.
It’s SO heartwrenching to see these precious babies so terrified of their daddy, and being taken away by him. I’d kill him first. Even if I had to go to jail for life. At least he’d not be able to hurt them ever again. And gf would have no claim to them. (Reminds me of my dad. Even tho it was decades after my physical, and sexual abuse, I was so thrilled that he would never be able to hurt anyone else ever again.)
The police told him they would look at girls, to make sure they were okay. Which he “graciously” agreed to. Did he really have a choice??
Oh, I forgot! The Sunday they were supposed to go back, they had called at 8 pm, to say gn to girls. (Giving no clue about what would happen later.) Gf told CC, “Remember, you pinky promised Mama, you’d come back home.” What a sleezebag! Trying to mentally make CC feel like she betrayed gf!! And gf has only known them 6 months, why is she “Mama” in the first place?? The 2nd month they met, she told us the girls “spontaneously” began calling her Mama. Lying sack of dog faced pony soldier doo!!
We even considered a hotel, briefly. But, we’d just waste money, and it would start again as soon as we came back. It would just uproot the girls again.
So, here we stay, “Standing our ground.” So many, many prayers going up!! I know God hears, and answers. Just not always the way we want. But I can not believe He wants these girls to be sent back, to be hurt again.
The injunction hearing for the restraining order is June 28. And the divorce/custody hearing is Aug. 5. Please God grant full custody to DD1!! And terminate HIS parental rights!! And grant alimony, and child support!! Cuz then, when he refuses to pay, he gets ANOTHER state funded “vacation”, which he seems to be very fond of taking, as its a regular habit of his.
We try to keep their bodies, and minds busy. Splash park today! Woo hoo for them!! Misery for me. Oh well, I can sleep when I’m dead, right?? The 5 hour nap when I got home helped me rest up, just in time to eat, and write this. Then back in bed for me!! And grateful to be there, when I make it!!
Here’s hoping that Aug. 5 will be the end of this harrassment. Or that Aug. 6 will be the day he gets hauled off in handcuffs!! What a beautiful sight that would be!!
Meanwhile, Rosemary is having trouble with a stalker! It’s a good friend of Dad’s. She went by his place, and left a note on his walker, which was in the lobby. She wanted to tell him of Dad’s death personally.
2 days later, he came by the house when she was alone, asking for the details of Dad’s death, and a ride to the funeral. Idiot! You don’t ask the widow for a ride to her husband’s funeral!! So, right then I knew he had mental problems. (One of my sister’s friends, also with mental, unmedicated, problems, asked her for a ride to her husband’s funeral!! Since I knew that guy, I let him know in no uncertain terms that was rude, and very inappropriate. Poor thing really had no idea. Now he knows!!) Rosemary gave him a ride home then, cuz she knew he’d have to ride the bus home, like he did to get there. Rosemary is a very compassionate woman.
While DD1, and the girls were in the shelter, THIS idiot, not their idiot, came back and left her a 10 page at least!! letter. Asking for a key so he could move in! Etc, etc!! We were ALL shocked! And glad she hadn’t been home! Another police report. They said they couldn’t do anything, until Rosemary told him in person to stay away. She asked Not to spend the night, which he gladly did. And for several night following. (This guy is really getting around! lol)
The next day, Not went to confront idiot, and warn him to stay away. Idiot wasn’t home, so Not spoke to his manager. Turns out, this is the 3rd woman idiot has stalked like this. So, she gave Not her card, and said let her know if she could help.
Then idiot came again, of course!! You knew he would, right? This time I was home with RM. When I heard her say his name, I quickly got to the door, and screamed after him “Never come back! I mean it!!” Just in case he didn’t believe RM really meant it. I think he was shocked that RM turned him away! Really?? I really do.
2nd police call for her. This time police said, “File an injunction, since you have told him to stay away. When he returns, we’ll arrest him.”
Not spent several more nights.
With all the furor of DD1’s travails, I haven’t filed RM’s injunction yet. But I need to hurry up!! I don’t think her idiot is done either, somehow.
I can’t be in 2 places at once, but I shore wish I could right now!!
Since I think DD1 and the girls are ok, for now, tomorrow, Monday, I’m going back over to Rosemary’s, to talk to her about the 2 situations. And apologize for not spending the night Fri, as had been planned. I had left her a note I’d be back Sat, but I was sick.
Lord only knows what will transpire this week!!
In other news, Pop Pop shocked us Sat by saying he was thinking of buying a place!! Of course, DD1’s mind immediately goes to a duplex, for him, and us too!! lol We shall see.
We have had some exciting, frightening times lately!!
First, DD1 has been in divorce litigation FOUR years!! Since CC was 1. Their daddy just would NOT sign the papers. But now that GF wants her ring, suddenly it’s all fired important to get it done.
The second component, is the custody. They have not been abiding by the verbal custody agreement. So, when the girls came for only their 2nd weekend, IN A YEAR!! DD1 decided we would keep them for the summer. And she informed their daddy at 3:48 pm on the Sunday when we were supposed to take them home, some 2 1/2 hours away.
Plus, for the last 4 days, the girls had been telling us of the abuse they had been enduring, so DD1 determined, after asking me, to keep them forever. Of course I said yes!!
They argued some on text, but DD1 was firm. We were keeping them. We knew some kind of repurcussion would occur, just not what. We found out quickly.
11:30 pm, Sunday night, huge bamming on the door, which only got louder every second DD1 delayed opening the door. Of course, it was them, plus a police escort. The police said they were only there as observers, to prevent any disturbances . Well, they certainly didn’t do their job! Cuz this was a HUGE disturbance!
I went and stood behind DD1, touching her back, so she’d know I was there supporting her.
Screaming, cursing, name calling, short of hitting DD1, their father was doing his best to intimidate DD1 into giving back “his kids.”
DD1 stayed calm, I was proud of her!!
So, the upshot was, he finally left, after vowing to be back the next day, and get his kids.
We were left shaken, and very scared. But thankfully, both girls are great, heavy sleepers!
Monday morning, I tried talking DD1 into going to a DV shelter. She said no. But I packed the girls a suitcase anyway. I knew this was far from over.
Monday night, again at midnight, a loud bamming. DD1 came shaking into my room, crying. I asked if she was ready to go to a dv shelter now. She nodded.
Soon as whoever was at the door finally left, she called the police. They said it had been them, with DCF. Scary!! When they have DCF with them, they are not allowed to announce “Police.” Do NOT understand that one, but not mine to ask why?
Now, she was ready to go. So, we threw a few of her clothes, and her meds into the suitcase and headed out, after calling her dad to come help us load the sleeping girls into the van. We were both shaking, and crying, the whole time.
After we met the police at the gas station- well lit!! It took 3 hours to get them safely into the shelter. I followed, until they went in the gate.
In the morning, the DCF worker called, and said she had to see the girls within 24 hours. We already had them at the children’s museum. (Not and I.) Mary interviewed me, and the girls there. Then, she went to the apartment, to interview DD1. She had to physically see our apartment, to see whether the charges were true. 1.Cat poop everywhere, even on beds. 2. No food in the house. 3. DD1 was a druggie who was always high, and unable to function.
Of course it was all nonsense, and we passed with flying colors.
I was afraid to be alone, so I asked Not to stay with me that night.
Wed, DD1 woke me up at 3pm, when she arrived to get more clothes.
The doorknob was hanging half out of the door! Not and I had not heard one sound!
Another police report, more fear, and shaking. I told DD1 to leave, and not come back.
She left, and I went to stay with Rosemary. After a week and a half, none of the 3 of them could stand the shelter anymore. So, Not came to spend the night with us Fri. and Sat. night. The girls were in hog heaven, having all 3 of us together again!!
Since the rent is paid here thru the end of June, we’ve decided to stay here, until we find a place. The shelter said in 2 weeks, they’d have a person trained to help us find low income housing.
Since there was an injunction filed, we feel fairly safe. IF idiot shows up, he’ll go straight to jail. We’ll see if he uses the brains God gave a goose, or not. He’s not scared of jail, that’s for sure. It’s almost his second home.
But definitely we will move as soon as possible!! Our #1 goal is to keep these girls safe!!
Wed. April 21, my Dad fell in the bathroom. He had jerry-rigged up a homemade thin pipe railing, by the toilet. when he pulled on it, it broke. The ambulance crew had an extremely hard time getting him out of his trailer. #1 He fell between the wall and the toilet, and was wedged in. He’s the same height, and weight as me. A big boy! #2 You know how small trailer halls are, so they had to manuever him onto a tarp. #3 They drug him down the ramp, to the stretcher. I can’t imagine the pain of that rough ride!
After all his tests, he had a fractured back, and Covid. So of course, he was quarantined. That devastated Rosemary, his wife. We called every day, but didn’t always get ahold of him. I stayed with her, since she’s deaf, and can’t use the phone. I’d tell her what he said, and she’d talk into the phone to answer him.
I told him I loved him, too. And not to worry, I’d take care of Rosemary, and everything else. I was so grateful Not and I had begun in Jan. to clear out that sunroom/storage shed. As soon as I heard fractured back, and Covid, I knew this would end in death. The only question was how long.
At first, Rosemary didn’t realize this, and she kept telling him she couldn’t wait for him to come home. There was some talk about rehab, but not much. It was evident to everyone except Rosemary, that he wouldn’t be going anywhere else.
It was SO HARD on her to be without him! They’d been married 8 years, and only spent 1 night apart.
On the next Tue, I told her I had to go home and sleep. I only made it as far as Mama’s, and after visiting an hour, I told her I had to take a nap, since everything hurt so much, I couldn’t move. I ended up sleeping from 5:30 pm, till 10:30 the next morning! I was worn to a frazzle.
Back to Rosemary’s. Due to his agitation, they had to tie him down. He kept trying to punch them, and take out his IV’s. Even more heart ache for both him, and Rosemary.
Of course, he developed pneumonia. Then, the Friday after a week, he developed a blood clot in his arm. Thankfully I sent Not up there with a copy of his living will, with the name of his funeral home, where Michelle had bought his prepaid funeral plan, only 1 short year ago. I was SO grateful we didn’t have to worry about that!!
That night he became unresponsive. Sunday morning the Dr. called to discuss end of life measures. According to his living will, nothing to be done, except pain relief. I was his 2nd medical surrogate, so I was able to direct that a DNR be written, and stop all meds except pain relief. That night I went home to sleep again.
But, I only got 3 hours, before the nurse called, and said come now for last goodbyes. I was delirious from lack of sleep. Thankfully DD1 was not. So she drove me to Rosemary’s. I had a key, but she had put the chains on both doors!! It took me 15 minutes, at least of screaming thru a tiny crack in the door, and banging, to wake her up. I was SO LOUD, DD1 was afraid the Neighborhood Watch would come get me! Eventually she heard me, got dressed, and was ready to go. It seemed as if it took forever.
DD1 had already called Michelle. She was closer, so she got there first. Thankfully, she made it in time. We were FIVE minutes too late. Rosemary didn’t realize it at first. I didn’t tell her either. I wanted her to find out herself.
So, now we have buried him, last Fri.
Michelle and I both spoke. Bubba was there too. Mama, Rosemary of course, Rose, our first step mom, and all 6 of his living siblings. 5 grandchildren. None of us had even met his 3rd wife, and they were only married a few months, before she called the sheriff to help her get away from the “loco.” So, no attempt was even made to find her.
I was very careful to stay neutral even tho I know he is hell, along with so many other people who know. I had asked him to say the sinner’s prayer with me, and repent, the Mon. before he lapsed into the coma. So pridefully, he answered, “Nope! Don’t need that! I’m saved!” Right then, it comfirmed to me he was going to hell, because he refused to humble himself before God, and admit he even had any sins. Every Christian- true Christian- will say the sinner’s prayer with you, ANY time you ask! We ALL know, and recognize we sin every day. And never pass up any opportunity to ask God for forgiveness.
Michelle spoke about all his pastorates. But even those were poison fruits, due to all the abuse we were enduring at home.
Several people have scolded me for daring to judge him, since only God can judge. Yes, only God can judge his heart. But the Bible also says, you can judge a person’s life by their fruits. EVERY fruit in his life was poison. Even the good things he did, were still poison, like I said before. He has ALWAYS, since adulthood, had hidden sins he refused to acknowledge, and repent of. And this last marriage, (his 6th, Mama and Rose both twice, then Rosa, finally Rosemary), was no different. He was a wonderful Prince Charming who rescued her. For 2 years. Then, the last 6 she endured ALL the kinds of abuse we did, and more.
He was an EVIL person. Rosemary said at his funeral, after Sis and I spoke, that he was mentally ill, and just needed the right kind of medicine. NOPE! He was the very same way, except worse, since he married Mama, at 19. So, no excuses, no passes.
Several times over the years, when he’d want me to visit him, I’d refuse. And tell him I couldn’t, because I was still in counseling due to dealing with the abuse. EVEN 52 years LATER!! So horrible. And he’d say, “I’m sorry IF I did anything to hurt you.” The deceit of that statement dug a sharp knife into my wounds, and twisted it.
But God gave me a premonition he would die soon, back in Jan. That’s why I started visiting him, and Not and I began the un-hoarding work. And I sent him a long email of 20 things he HAD to prepare before he died. He did most of them. He wrote lots of passwords, etc. But none to his banks, or credit cards!! That was the most important!! But, I’ll get it all done, despite that. He’s gone and buried. Never to hurt anyone else ever again, thankfully. Now it’s just all paperwork, and helping Rosemary deal with life as a widow.
I have no regrets of any kind. My oldest aunt, and I spent time with him on his birthday, the first time in probably more than 3 decades. He was so happy. I am carrying out his final wishes, and taking of Rosemary. Everytime I spoke to him, or emailed since Jan., I told him I loved him. I forced the words out past a huge lump in my throat every time. But I knew it would be over soon, and I was determined not to have regrets of any kind. I always prayed to love him. And every time I learned some new deparavity of his, after I let my rage out, I said out loud, “I forgive you, Dad.” And I asked God to make it true.
Despite the fact that I have forgiven him, and told him I loved him, and asked God to make those 2 things true; I still want to publish far and wide all the evil things he did. I want public recognition, I guess of his true self. But, I can’t. If I am to keep saying, “I forgive you,” and “I loved him.” Then, I can’t denounce him to the world now. We who endured it, know. And want to forget it. No one else needs to know, at this point. He is suffering the tortures of the damned. And he chose that end, of his own free will. That is what is truly tragic about his life. He once knew true love of God, and Mama, and then turned away.
Please, if you don’t know Jesus as your personal Savior, turn to Him today!! We are not promised even 1 more breath!
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believed in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.”
If that’s the only verse in the whole Bible that you ever know, then you can be saved, and go to heaven. And spend eternity with God the Father, and God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Please don’t neglect your soul!! That decision is the most important one of your whole life, and eternity!!
If you’ve read all the way thru this sad story, thanks for honoring me, with the compassion of listening.
Yay!! My test is negative! I knew it would be, just like my last 2. I’m so grateful!!
I’m writing this Thursday night. Yesterday was sooo stressful.
I turned off my alarm, and turned over to snooze.
When I left the house, it wasn’t morning anymore. Then, a quick trip to Walmart for more file folders. I’d already used up 23!! This time, no purple ones, sadly. 😦 Only the primary colors. Oh well, it’s not my file box! Technically, anyways.
Label, alphabetize, file. For all the Credit cards, I had to try to figure out the currect balance.
Back in Jan. I’d asked him to write down ALL his websites, user names, and PWs. He said he did. Uh well, he sure wrote a plenty! But none for his bank account, and none for his credit cards. Oh me! He sure made sure to have his FB, his emails, and his vitamin suppliers info, tho! Lol It’s kinda funny. LATER!! Not when I’m trying to figure stuff out!! All the statements she had, were from 2018. Seriously??
Thank God, we did find his Will, Living Will, and POA!! I don’t know what we would have done without finding those! She wants me to take my time doing stuff. But I feel kinda under the gun, since the POA becomes defunct upon his death. And no one except God knows when that will be. My goal is to have everything taken of, business wise, that I possibly can, before that happens.
I’m so grateful they both have burial plots. Just not together. And my sis, Michelle, bought him a prepaid funeral. I think I already said that. Sorry if I repeat. My brain kinda feels fried.
Anyway, I left their house around 3:30, and went to Mama’s. After visiting for an hour with Mama, and my 2 nieces, I told Mama I needed to lay down. My arms, legs, back and brain were all hurting so bad, I could barely stay on the couch. She thoughtfully rubbed my feet with lotion. And even that hurt. Then I went to her bed. She NEVER lets me lay on her bed, because I’m so big, I might break it. But I just had to.
That was about 5:30 pm. Next thing I knew, it was 10:30. Well, that meant I wasn’t going home for the night! And I missed my evening dose of meds.
Except for the usual potty breaks, I slept until 9:30 am!! And, there I’d missed my morning dose.
In the car, I ate 2 croissants that were left over from yesterday’s breakfast, and 1 tiny chocolate cake. Do you know the 50 cent cakes from Walmart?
Home about 11, cuz there were 50 11ty trains to try to manuever around. Soon as I got in the door, I took my meds, and hit the hay again.
Wakey, Wakey, eggs and bakey, around 5 pm, I think it was. DD1 ordered Chinese. And here I am on the computer. I still feel very tired, achey, and slightly foggy brained.
It didn’t even enter my mind, but DD1 just now asked if I was having a fibro flare. Of course! That’s what it is! Even my feet hurt! Did you mention your eyelashes??
Good thing I have a good brain still left! It’s hers, but at least I have access to it! 😉
I always forget how much physical energy it tooks to do mental work. And even a small amount of physical work wears me the heck out. Sitting and writing, then filing is a TINY bit of physical work!! And, add to that the emotional strain, of dealing with everything, and trying to uphold Rosemary… I am slap worn out. I hope 12 more hours of sleep will do it.
And oh yeah, I’m almost out of pain meds. I only have 1 more dose left. I just couldn’t go get it this morning. If it had been a drive thru pick up, I could have. But not a park, walk, stand, sign, walk again pick up. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
If not, I’ll only stay a few hours with Rosemary, and come home. I’ve already decided I can’t go over there on the weekends. Monday she told me how lonely Sat. and Sun. were. I just can’t do everything.
I’m just very grateful I’m as able as I am. And I have such an excellent support system. Thank you, DD1!! And Mama!! And sis, Michelle!! And sis Shirley!! And Bubba!! And all my bloggy friends!! And all my FB friends!! And Not to be mentioned, and Sweet Friend, and all my family. I feel the prayers surrounding me.
I really could not handle this huge job, without God upholding me!!
What in the world are you talking about?? Well, just cool your jets a minute, and I’ll tell ya~
As you know, my Dad’s in the hospital, with Covid. So, of course, Rosemary had to be tested too. Thank GOD!! Her test was negative.
It just so happens, that our insurance man was needing to do 50 Covid tests, to get certified. So, Not to be named, and I were happy to oblige. Especially since I HAD to be tested anyway! It worked out nicely.
But, this one was weird!! Not a nose swab- and no! not the other end swab either!!
A spit test. Never heard of that before! I must confess, at first I thought maybe he was pranking us! But, he’s serious about his job, so nope.
He handed us each a tube, and said it had to be half full. But bubbles don’t count.
It took me sooooo long!! The worst thing was, I was so dry mouthed! We had to not eat or drink, 30 minutes prior. And there sat my drink, just a few inches away. Taunting me!!
When I finished, you can imagine how fast I got that straw between my lips! 😉