Not blessings of a behind nature!! Just can’t seem to get title to change. Now, since I missed 2 days, what do I do? Write 2 more today?? Just add them at the end of the month, and go into Dec? Hmmmm Not sure what to do, at this point. Can y’all leave me a comment, with your opinion? Please?? I love y’alls feed back! and if I knew how to do a poll, I surely would!! I knew how, before WP “improved” things- meaning messed everything up so I don’t know how to do anything anymore!! Thanks a lot for nothing, WP!!
My friend Melody, from Minimalist Next Door, is trying to help me insert a search bar. Her instructions are very clear. But toggling back, and forth is wearing me out! I took a snap shot, but trying to increase the text size on my phone, makes me have to scroll down to the next line. She is trying so hard to help! And I’m trying so hard to do it! 60 is hard!! As a matter of fact, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and marriage wise, 60 has suxed!!
Oh yeah, back to Melody. I got to the first 2 steps of her instructions, then I lost it. Not lost as in having a breakdown, but lost the next step. It didn’t look like her description, or else my brain couldn’t retain the information for more than 5 seconds, like a gold fish, or something!! lol I will start again later, after my nap!! Maybe a reset will help. Freshness, and rest never hurt anybody. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!
Thank you Melody, for being a friend! And a helpful one at that!
Ok, remember when I fell Sept. 24, and the CAT scan showed the lesions on my spine? Then, I went to do the MRI, and the insurance hadn’t approved the contrast? Well, I don’t remember if I told you the second part, but anyhoo. I finally got it done, the 8th. Okay, whew, got it done. Now to get report to Dr. Tatagari. Then find out result.
Last night, she called me sometime after 8 pm, and told me it was only bad arthritis!
I was so relieved and happy!! Going from thinking it might be cancer, to finding out it was only arthritis, which I know I already have all over my body, was such a relief off my mind!! And my spirit! And my emotions!!
I’m so thankful it wasn’t cancer!! So many people have been praying for me!! I’m thankful for so much support, family, friends, and prayer partners!! They upheld me when I felt I was dying, of yet another disease!!
I want that to be bigger, but it says it’s large. Hmmmm
But it expresses perfectly what everyone did! They did strive together with me in their prayers to God for me!! I may not even know who all was praying!! But I love, and appreciate everyone of you!! Thank you more than I can say!!
Since I’ve lauded Granny Chaney, now it’s time to spotlight Grandpa, and Grandma Hawkins, Dad’s parents.
I’m so blessed that I knew both sets of grandparents. I even knew some great grands!! That seems to be a rare thing, and I’m so enriched, to have known them.
Grandpa was a phosphate miner. The mine was only about 2 miles from their house. (I’m guesstimating, remember math is not my strong suite. But not too far.)
He got hurt terribly, by falling off some scaffolding, and hurt his left elbow. After surgery, and what not, he was put on disability.
He did little exercises, to try to keep as much range of movement, and mobility as he could. Somehow, he taught himself how to adapt, to be able to keep on fishing!! lol We ate us some good fried catfish, mullet, and other stuff I can’t remember. But if he caught it, and Grandma cooked it, it was good! Oh man, my lips are licking themselves, and my brain is drooling, just from thinking back!!
They were both adults during the Depression, so they never wasted anything. I got aggravated at times, cuz I didn’t understand what in the world they needed all that string, or foil, or whatever for!! Becoming an adult, I can see their wisdom, in hind sight.
Grandma never worked “outside” the home. Except when she was mowing the lawn, gardening, picking peas, strawberries, corn, on and on. Hanging up the laundry on the line. If you showed a millennial a clothespin, Lord knows what they’d think it was! lol
With this kind, she’d say she was pegging out the wash.
When the clip kind came along, don’t know the year, don’t care! Then it was hanging up the wash. You’d expect her to say, “clipping up” the laundry right? Nope.
I’ve had to do that manual hanging up, at times. Hate it!! But, forgetting to bring it in, it’s soaking wet, and ya have to do it all again tomorrow. That’s really the worst!!
Even DD1 had clotheslines to deal with, in 2016!! Ya’d think by then we’d all be issued washers, dryers, and microwaves at birth, right??
Ok, where was I?? I feel like I have veered off topic somewhere.
Oh yes! Grandparents!! And how thankful I am that I had the privilege of knowing them. I learned so much from them. And I coulda learned so much more, if I just would’ve paid attention, and asked questions!!
But, that can’t be changed now, to my regret.
Grandpa died the Sunday after Thanksgiving, 2002. He was at home, with all the family around him. As many of us who could be there. We all said our goodbyes. Michelle was on the phone, and told her goodbyes, and love. He was conscious till almost the very end. What a blessing we were able to talk to him, tell him goodbye, and send him to Jesus, with our love ringing in his ears!! His health had declined so quickly, he never went to the hospital, or nursing home. He was home the whole time. That was such a comfort to him, to be home. He was 81 years old.
DH and I were newly in love, not married yet, but he shook Grandpa’s hand, and told him bye as well. When the ambulance was bringing Grandpa out of the porch, the gurney tilted, and thankfully DH was right there, averting disaster! All the men were kinda lined up, like a family honor guard I guess.
The women all stayed inside, during his removal.
Once he was gone, Grandma, and the children, and by children I mean full grown people! My dad, my uncle, and the 6 sisters, went to the funeral home.
DH went all over the house, collecting all the garbage, and taking it out. I went in Grandpa’s room, and started cleaning. It was so hard. There was a definite mess. They had cleaned as they went, but the final events had left more mess. DH helped me finish cleaning, when he came back from garbage duty. I stripped the bed, but don’t remember if I put clean sheets or not. Anyway, the room, and carpet!! was all clean, smelled nice, all the garbage was out, and the house was straight by the time everybody got back. I’m hazy on what happened at that exact point. But DH and I are family heroes to this day! That was in 2002, 19 years ago, and DH is still the golden boy of the family! As recent as 2 years ago, several of the aunts mentioned how wonderful it was that he got in there, helping clean, when he was not even officially in the family yet!
Grandma lived to be 92!! Sadly, she had to go to a nursing home, and it killed everyone’s feelings, just like when we had to do it with Granny. But Grandma was not a tiny woman like Granny!! And none of the girls were strong enough to defend themselves when she started throwing punches! Trained aides know how to deal with that!
She kept begging to go home. When she only had a few months left, the nurses confirmed to Aunt Cindy, that it wouldn’t be long. So, the girls decided to bring her home. It was so wonderful to see her joy to be home!! She kept thanking all the kids, hugging, kissing them, telling them she loved them. She didn’t always remember our names, but she hugged, kissed all her grands, and greats too. Telling us she loved us so much. This was such a change, we almost couldn’t believe it.
Both Grandpa, and Grandma had always been kinda not demonstrative. We knew they loved us, but they didn’t say it very often. I think hugging made them uncomfortable? My birth family always hugged, kissed them both, and told them we loved them coming, and going.
But those last few months, it seemed as if she was trying to make up for a lifetime of not saying it, or showing love. I visited her a lot more at home, those last few months, than I did when she was at various nursing homes. Having her reach out her arms to hug me, kissing me, and telling me she loved me, so frequently, helped put balm on so many childhood wounds. Now I had physical proof that she did indeed love me!! She was proving it every time she saw me.
My Uncle Jr died, and his funeral was on a Tue. And of course, all the family was going. Who would stay with Grandma? I volunteered, since Uncle Jr hadn’t been my favorite anyway. It was precious to have that time alone with her. There was a hospice aide too, I think, but she stayed in the other room, so we could be alone. We just held hands, saying I love you. Every once in a while, she’d ask for another hug, which I gladly gave. I sang hymns to her, talking about memories. Carefully curated ones of course. I talked about the time she was blanching corn to freeze. Our first job was husking. We kids were supposed to de-silk the ears, after the blanching. Then put them in zip locks. Well… little big mouth ole me, got out the butter, and ending up eating 10 ears, in between saving some!! Ooooh, I got a scolding!! She couldn’t believe I could eat that many!! Especially so fast, that she was unaware of the amount! All the kids ate 1 or 2, of course, that was our pay. I ate my weight in corn I think!! Silver Queen corn, white, not yella, is the best tasting corn you will ever put in your mouth. After that, you will never want to eat canned corn again! And I don’t. That story made her laugh!
She died that Fri, with all her daughters around. She was sent off to meet Jesus, with love ringing in her ears as well. 9/10/11 I’ll never forget that anniversary. She was 92, only 11 days away from her 93rd birthday.
If I live as long as those precious saints, I’ve got at least 30 years to go! I better perk up A LOT then!! 😉
So, so thankful for knowing my 4 grandparents. My life would not have been so rich, if I didn’t.
I’m writing this way back in February. Because I am decluttering my office, and saw these, so I decided to go ahead, write this post, and schedule it 9 months ahead.
(Update: I’m SO grateful for Veterans!! Without those fighting for our freedom, we’d not be the free country we are today. We are needing to fight again for our freedom right now!! All of us need to stand up, and fight against the tyranny that is oppressing us right now. We can all fight in some way!! I’m physically disabled, but I can send texts, emails, sign petitions!! I tag Gov. DeSantis on FB posts that need his attention. Oh yeah, pray for his wife, Casey, to be healed from her breast cancer. Thank you.)
I had these for Sister’s class, way back last November 2019. But since she’s not teaching anymore, I kept 2 for the babies, and decluttered the rest. Update: She’s back to teaching, 2021-2022 school year.
This was fun to make!!
Oops!! That’s the stuff to make this:
Thank you ALL Veterans!! Past, and present. We love you!
Today, just gonna say it. I’m terrifically thankful for a potty. Potty chair.
My new throne!
Since my health took the sudden dive, I couldn’t use my left elbow anymore. That ended my career of using the real potty. 😦
So, after a few days, or a week, of diapers, cuz the evil insurance denied my potty chair, and bed, I was tired of being a big fat baby!!
Now I really know my baby loves me! $200 for a potty chair!! WHAT?? Yup. Cuz I’m so big, it has to be bariatric. Bariatric is code for “We can charge double.”
Ah!! To go back to feeling normal again! Well, as normal as you can feel, going potty in your bedroom. And as normal as a crazy can feel. Ok, back to MY normal!! We’ll just go with that!
Well, here it is the evening of the the 9th, an I haven’t published a post yet today . Oopsie again!!
I have to tell ya the truth. Last week, and this, I’ve been struggling so hard with my mental, and physical health. Last Thur. I was at the Dr. office screaming, “I’m dying! Listen to me! I’m dying!”
Of course, everyone was startled to say the least. DH kept trying to hush me. “This is a Dr. office! You have to be quiet!” Well, if I was quiet, soon there’d be the sound of a siren, and the little men in white coats would rush in to make me hug myself tight, and cart me away.
I kept yelling in the exam room. My Dr. is a very sweet woman, but she wasn’t catching on either. “I’M DYING!! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME! My whole body is shutting down! My mind is shrinking, and sliding closer, and closer to the edge of the black hole. Once I fall in, I’m totally gone, and won’t be back ever.” ( I still was screaming, I just got tired of typing in all caps..)
The only tiny spark of life that was still holding me to life, was the terror for PP. Her mental health is in severe danger, from being forced t go to her dad’s. No details, but she is at a crisis point too.
After my fall Sept. 24, my health just took a nose drive. Like my body was suddenly set itself to self destruct, and someone had started the timer. Thur. Oct. 28, during my PT here at home, my blood pressure was too high, all 3x the therapist took it. Back to my new fave place, the ER. EKG was ok. But I was having the mother of all panic attacks. The therapist wouldn’t let me take any xanax, “no food or drinks at ER”. But I wasn’t there yet! No matter. Heart pain, headache added to the circus of joy internal storm.
Finally I did get adavan, and began coming down off the ceiling, where I had been clinging with all 4s, trying to claw my way out of the building, apparently!
So, now I’m on blood pressure meds too. Yay. Always fun to throw in new meds into my cocktails.
Then, I was so much in pain, I couldn’t use the toilet anymore. Don’t know if I’ve talked about the excruciating pain in my left shoulder, or not. Anyway, our toilet is a regular size, which to us giants is small size. And no grab bars, of course. The only way I have of getting up, is to lean on my left elbow, on the counter beside me, which is too high for that activity, but needs must. If DH is home, he pulls me up, which is rarely, during the day. So, I just got to the point that the pain was worse than the thought of wearing diapers 24/7. Dying of pain vs wearing diapers. diapers won that round. I’ve worn them before, it’s not like it’s a brand new shocking event.
(Depression, seasonal affective disorder, being out of my thyroid med 8 days, horrible pain, the fall, dizziness, fear for PP, feeling useless, helpless, having CPTSD, all on top of my arthritis, and fibromyalgia flare- made just 1 hellacious combo of life draining episode. Plus, my toe Dr. had just had to dig out both ingrown side of my left toe the day before, made me bleed, put me on antibiotics… the emotional stress, that I won’t even go into, having to be in the scooter, driving it clumsily, being fussed at every time I need it, cuz it meant inconveniencing someone else who had to empty his trailer, just to take my scooter…. I was seriously just a few inches from death.. at least that was my reality)
So, there I am, just laying in bed, depressed as all h#ll- and I’m not cursing. I was going thru literal h#ll, in my body, soul, mind, and emotions. Have you ever felt like you’re dying? I do not recommend it.
So, the Dr. ordered a hospital bed, a bedside commode, and something else, can’t even remember. And of course, the evil insurance co. denied, before I even had left the room. It was incredible.
The Dr. even asked me, when I took a breath, to yell again, if I wanted to go in patient, at the pysch ward. Nope! That would be my 5th go round, and I doubt any improvements have been made, since my last visit. I’m already on the frequent flyer list.
I was wearing diapers, and couldn’t even wipe my own ask-me-no-more-questions. The pysch ward nurse’s aids, would not even deal with me, they’d send me away. So, why bother?? One of the “Orientation” presentations, (during one of my vacations there), said, “The most help you’ll get here is from each other.” WHAAAT did she just say??? I know s.h.e. d.i.d n.o.t. s.ay. w.h.a.t. I t.h.o.u.g.h.t I h.e.a.r.d… But, yep. We, the crazies, were supposed to educate each other, and help one another figure out our problems. Seriously?? Were you here as a patient, and received a lobotomy??
The only education I received from the other “guests”, was if your disability is fixing to be reviewed for renewal or not, all you have to do is scratch your wrists enough to bleed some, then call 911. Make sure you only cut sidewise though. If you cut straight down your arm, you’ll hit the artery and really die. You only want to make a token show of being suicidal. Bingo, bango, instant approval for renewal of your check for at least 7 more years. That was very important to know, the difference of just pretending to want to die, and the reality of f@cking up, and killing yourself for realz. So glad I learned that!!
The other super duper info was how to fake taking your pills, so if you feel ok, you can hoard them, and sell them when you get out. Man, you can make a good little side hustle like that! Just be aware, when you crash, and you will, if you’ve sold too many, you will be f@cked up for awhile. Unless of course, somebody else has something you can “overdose” on, and get back in patient, and scrape up another stock pile.
Defrauding the government, and how to become a successful drug kingpin , is not the kind of education I was in the market for, but thanks anyway.
Sorry for the language, but I just came back to life literally, from a life and death situation. Bad language doesn’t matter when your own body, and mind are betraying you, and dragging you down to the pit of hellish death.
I am so grateful for my therapist Tonya!! She gave me a double appointment time on the phone today. She’s been in touch since last Thursday’s debacle. I had an appointment with her first, before my Primary. Of course, she was very concerned. She knew how desperate the situation was.
Also, very grateful for my Dr. She has called me several times on her cell phone, after hours this week also.
Today, Tonya reminded me my thinking has to change. If I keep thinking, and saying I’m dying, that’s where I’ll head. I’ll make it a self fulfilling prophesy. She quoted Scripture, then she prayed. She always tells me she loves me. And of course, “When are you going to follow up with your pysch??” Friday. “Oh, ok. Make sure you tell her everything! You might have to change your meds.”
That’s fine. I’m not resistant to changing meds. I always try to tell all the truth to my Dr.’s, and therapists. I am just not going back to the pysch ward, when I was plainly told they are no help. And, I’ve experienced it on repeat.
My first time, it was dual diagnosis. 1993 I was suicidal, and an alcoholic. That saved my life. They had actual classes. They gave us actual strategies to deal with our problems. They also had excellent food, by the way! It was a private clinic, not at the hospital.
Anyway, after Tonya hung up, I got up, and went and talked to DD1. She loves me so much!! She suffers from mental illness, so she can relate! She is also large, so she relates to all those problems. Tiny people like my Dr., my therapist, and my pysch Dr. have NO IDEA of what I deal with on a daily basis, as a morbidly obese person! Small people just can not conceptualize the logistical problems. No their fault, just outside their experience.
So, today, the 9th, (just barely!) I’m thankful for the 3 woman, who saved my life today. Dr. T, Tonya my therapist, and DD1.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! You 3 are true heros!! My heart is only still beating, because of you 3, hanging onto me, and refusing to let me go into the grave. I owe you my life. And I humbly thank you!! I know I can never repay you. But, I do promise I will pass on the love, encouragement, and help!! If I see someone else teetering on the edge, I’ll grab onto them, and refuse to let go.
3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
God gave Mama this verse for me, while she was praying, when I was 9 years old. We lived in Jupiter, Fl. Dad was pastor of the First Assembly of God there.
I always felt so special, since Bubba, and Sis never got a life verse. I’ve always wondered why tho.
And my whole life, I’ve pondered what great and mighty things am I going to see?? I’ve called to Him SO MANY times!! And He has always answered me, in one way or another. At times, I have NOT liked, or appreciated the answer!! But, I know since it comes from the Father, it’s always the best thing for me.
I have called out to Him, and seen my body healed. That is a great thing! Is that what He meant??
I called out to Him, to give me a singing voice, since my Dad, and all his sisters could sing together. When I’d tried to join in, I was told, “Stop! Leave us alone! Your voice is terrible!” When I was 13, we lived close by the church. Dad and Mama were able to give me piano lessons. I practiced almost every day! After my homework was done, I’d sit there, playing one note, over and over, trying to get my voice to match that tone, praying constantly. After a year, I asked my dad to listen to me sing. He was shocked and amazed! I was asked to be in a trio!! And my aunts, after their shock and awe, let me sing with them too!! That truly was a miracle straight from God! But, in this case, I had to put in my effort too, not just pray every day for God to give me a singing voice.
Is this what He meant?? At the start, no one believed I’d ever be able to sing. And I didn’t tell them of the intensive work I was doing. I just waited till God completed the miracle, and everyone saw it!
When I was in my junior year of Bible college, my BFF, Joyous, and I cried out to Him, and we saw Him become our husband, as it says in;
Isaiah 54:5For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.
He supplied all our needs, and showed us His everlasting love.
That was a MIRACLE! But one that He promised.
Is that what He meant??
I cried out for a good husband, that was tall. I said 6’7, specifically. Well, First husband is 6’5. Close enuff! He is an excellent man, very strong, great provider, good Christian. But extremely quiet, not used to dealing with strong emotions. My loudness totally overwhelmed him. We tried 3 different counselors to help. Our communication styles were just extremely at the other ends of the scale, neither one of us could understand the other. It truly felt like one of us was speaking Japanese, or something. It just didn’t work at all. No blame to him. Poor thing thing tried. I tried, till I couldn’t anymore. Then I began acting out, sexually, and the drinking. We found out about my bipolar. That helped explain some of my actions. Divorcing felt like the only thing we could do, because I truly felt like I was dying inside. This is supposed to be thankful. I am thankful that he was such a great provider!! I never had to worry about him taking care of me, and the girls.
My Mama was demanding a grandbaby when she hit 40. Half jokingly, I answered, “What color?? I’ll go out tonight and get you one!” No! That wasn’t what she meant!! It didn’t help that I wanted a baby desperately too. But first husband wanted to wait till we got settled more. Which I guess was wisdom. whatevs..
I prayed for a baby, and He gave me DD1, Crystal Elizabeth.
Not DD1, but the chubby cheeks fit!!
Her name means, “Clear gift of God.” And she certainly has been that!! I didn’t pray for DD2, but I’m so glad I have her!
Sorta looks like DD2. Except she rarely stood still for a pic! She was a perpetual motion machine!!
When my Aunt Jessie died, in Oct 1997 and we were up in GA for her funeral, Sister was crying so hard in the hotel because she wanted a baby so bad. (We have tremendously STRONG biological clocks in our family!!) She’d been married for 2 years, was 28, and couldn’t wait any longer. Mama, my 2 girls, and I laid our hands on her belly, and prayed our hearts out! She rushed home, and lo and behold! 9 months later, she held Nicholas in her arms! We have all maintained that we prayed that baby into her belly! Of course, her husband had to do his part too! lol
That was a mighty miracle! Is that what God meant??
I ‘ve seen the miracle of my sobriety, 28 years!! Is that what He meant?? But are those things I know not??
I started praying for a grandbaby too, in my late 40’s. Was it ever gonna happen in my lifetime? I was in rehab at age 51, when DD1 came in, her face shining like the sun! Oh, I hoped! But I didn’t dare to say, in case I was wrong! I wasn’t!! The next July, the joy of my life was born!! Her name means “Gift” in Hebrew, and she definitely is!! 2 1/2 years later, my other love was born. My cup ran over with absolute joy! They were so worth the wait!!
Psalm 23:5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
I’ve seen the miracle of my nephew’s complete transformation, and mighty salvation!! We have all prayed for that boy for 16 years! Mama, Bubba, and his wife, Sheryl, then step-mom Shirley, Geri- Sheryl’s Mama, Sister, people in church.
What a mighty miracle that was!! But it sure was something I wondered if I’d ever see, in my lifetime! Geri -his maternal grandma got to see it a year before her death.
Granny is Mama’s mother. Mostly I’ll be talking about her, since Papa died before Sis was born, so I was still 7.
Papa was a giant!! I think he was 6’2. Which isn’t really giant by today’s standards, but it was by our family’s!! And especially of mine, as a 7 yo! He was really sickly, and wobbly. Seeing Granny up under his arm, holding him up, as she walked him from the bedroom to his recliner was a funny sight to see!! I was also always worried he’d start to sway, and snap her in half like a stick! Then she’s get his bowl of oatmeal. He wore overhauls, (overalls), and his white hair stuck straight up in a butch. His facial expression was always stern, but he didn’t talk mean. Granny took exquisitely gentle care of him, like he was a diamond. He was soaked in love at all times. Later when I found out the truth of how he’d abused her and all the boys all their marriage, I couldn’t understand how she was able to tend him so gently, with such great love. Mama explained that it was the transformative power of love from Jesus Christ, that lived in Granny. I aspire to be that kind of Christian. Love where in the natural, there should have been hate. Gentleness where naturally there should have been retribution. What a powerful picture of God’s love for us!!
When he died, of course, he was laid out in their bed, after Granny prepared him. Nosy me couldn’t help but going to peek, to see if he really was dead!! I found an opportunity when all the women were in the kitchen, all the men were outside. I eased the door open, standing in the doorway staring at him. He looked like he was peacefully sleeping. Wait!! Did his chest just move a bit?? I think it did!! I high tailed it outta there!!
Well, he musta really been dead, cuz they buried him. Hopefully I was wrong!!
What can I say about Granny?? She was the cutest thing you ever did see!! I think she was about 5’2, and maybe a hundred pounds. Very modest, all her dresses were mid thigh, CALF!! Oh my gosh!! I meant CALF!! (I didn’t see this till after I’d published it! Granny would roll over in her grave if she saw me write mid thigh dresses! ) and if you ever saw her elbows, it’d be over her dead body! lol She had those old fashioned round glasses, a beautiful braided crown on her head. She really looked like an angel, always smiling. She had a huge heart, and open arms. If you were at her house, you weren’t a stranger, even if she never laid eyes on you before in your life. And you sure wouldn’t leave till your tummy was full!! She’d have fed the whole world, if she could’ve figured out a way to get ’em to her house! ❤
Have you gotten the idea yet that I adored her?? So did everyone! After her horrendous wreck, and settlement when I was 21, she got a little Model A, or T, I can’t ever keep it straight. She was already known for wearing hats, now she tootled around in her little car, waving at everybody. Everyone in town knew Granny Chaney! We called her Go Go Granny!! She had those keys in her hand, ready to go at a moments’ notice!
Of course, that was only because she had gotten up at dawn, or before! I never knew exactly, cuz I wasn’t there to witness! First, she swept the house, the front, and back steps. Then she washed, and hung out, a load of laundry. Next, out behind the house, picking oranges for breakfast. Yes!! This is really true! I was there for the breakfast part! If you were in her bed, you were in her kitchen chair for breakfast. No lazy bones under her roof! So, fresh squoze, (family joke), orange juice, fried or scrambled eggs, according to your order, hot biscuits with butter, and/or jelly, maybe some bacon, if it was close to pay day, always the (yucky) grits. We ate like queens!
Here she is, with my cousin Ronnie, his wife Pat, and their daughter Kimmi, behind her house, in the mid 1990’s, I think. Can’t remember right now how old Kimmi is!
Granny, quite the fashionista!
Looking at this picture reminded me how beautiful she is!!
When her kids were at home, they always had to do the dishes, and clean the kitchen. For some reason, we grands never had to. Maybe she thought we wouldn’t do it right, and she didn’t have the time or patience left to teach another generation?? I really don’t know. We offered, uh, I mean sometimes, sheepish grin, but she’d wave us off. No need to tell us twice! We scampered away like mice being chased by a knife!
11 was lunch, and you better not be late! She had it setting on the table, yep, said setting on purpose, and she didn’t have time for you to dilly dally, cuz after the dishes were done, well, she did allow time to eat, without rushing, but the laundry on the line waited, and had to be gotten in ‘fore the inevitable afternoon rain.
She sewed all her kids’, and my cousin’s clothes, and quilts. on a foot pump old Singer. She made me a quilt when I went to college. One of my deepest sorrows is that I’ve lost that quilt among all the thousands of moves since then. It was the my most treasured possession, along with Cry Baby, and I don’t understand how I let it be lost. To this day, I grieve for that crazy quilt, (The pattern was called crazy.), made with all the love in her huge heart. It was a tangible reminder of her love, wrapping me in her arms, hugging me tight every night. I’m crying, right now, just missing her, and it so bad.
She and Papa had 11 kids, and were share croppers. They didn’t own any land, just worked it for a share, at the end of harvest, a very little share.
Mama was the middle child, 5 above, 5 below. I always thought that made her very special! With only a few exceptions, due to 2 miscarriages, all the kids were born 2 years apart, almost like clockwork. That meant lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins to love, and be loved!
When Granny was 80, she’d go to the nursing home, to visit the “Old People!” That cracked me up!! What a blessing she was to them! I know she hugged, smiled, sang, and told them about Jesus, even tho I never went with her. Cuz that’s what she did every day, just like breathing.
My Aunt Pat, and cousin KaLeena, had lived with Granny ever since Aunt Pat’s second divorce, many years before. So, we all thought they had lived there forever!! KaLeena was so tiny, even at 11 years old, and/or Granny was just that strong!! that Granny would carry her to the table, in the winter cuz the floor was too cold! lol Gotta love those old wooden houses, with crawl spaces underneath!!
When Granny was no longer able to be by herself, when Aunt Pat was at work, no one wanted her to go to a nursing home. But no one wanted to take care of her at their house either. Mama was working full time, but since I was living with her, and wasn’t, we were volunteered/elected. (Later I learned the old Army trick- if you don’t want to do it, take a step back, cuz whoever doesn’t has “Volunteered” to do it!)
At this point, DD1 was already living with her daddy, so DD2 moved into my king size bed, and we cleared out her room for Granny, using all her own things to furnish the room. Poor Granny, even tho she had Alzheimer’s, she still knew it wasn’t her home, somehow. At night she’d hobble, in her walker, to Mama’s door warbling, “Pat! Pat! Let me in! I know you’re sick!” I’d have to get up, physically pick her up, turn her around, and get her back in bed; all the while assuring her it was June, and she wasn’t sick. She was just sleeping, resting up for work in the morning. Poor sweetie didn’t believe me, so the scenario was repeated several times a night. Good thing I was still strong at that point!
After 2 months I couldn’t take the stress anymore. Still no one wanted her in a nursing home, but still they didn’t want her in their home either, so sadly, she went into a nursing home, which was her greatest fear. I hated it like crazy, and several Aunts and Uncles were bitter at me. But I already had the mental issues of bipolar, and anxiety. And if they didn’t want to keep her, I felt like they no right to complain. Mama and I tried our best. And it also was affecting DD2 negatively.
So the darling lived out her life in the nursing home, almost 7 years, I believe.
Her last night on earth, I was at the Strawberry Festival, and looked over, spotted Mama’s car in the nursing home parking lot. I thought that’s weird, she doesn’t usually stay that late, I better go check. When I got to the room, Mama said, “She is just getting closer to going home, but not yet.”
I decided to stay, since DD2 wasn’t at home. All night, Mama and I sang hymns, and took turns reading the Psalms out loud. When we were singing, it was so precious. That dear old saint would try to sing with us! She’d been non verbal for months!! Her spirit was so strong within her, she was determined to praise the Lord!! It gave me chills, to know even when you’re dying, God will give you enough strength to praise His name!
Sometime after midnight, she took a turn for the worst, and the nurse said call whoever needs to be here. So we called Aunt Pat. It didn’t take her long to arrive. The sisters sat on each side of Granny, holding her hands, kissing her, telling her, “I love you, Mama.”
But she couldn’t go. Finally I figured it out. Granny had made a vow to God, when Aunt Pat got run over as a 2 yr old, cracked her skull, and was dying. Granny promised God if He saved Pat’s life, she’d serve Him, making sure her kids would serve Him all her life, taking care of Pat, whatever it took for the rest of her life. That vow was still in effect, holding her to earth.
Gently I said, “Aunt Pat, she’s still worried about you. Please tell her you’re ok, you’ll be fine, and she can go now.” Aunt Pat didn’t understand, but after a few quick sentences, telling her I’d explain later, she said it anyway.
We started praying the Lord’s Prayer, and with a huge sigh, that sounded like relief to me, my Granny was gone.
She wasn’t the first person I’d ever seen die, but she was the first loved one.
We were all devastated that she was gone. But I felt a certain mingle of satisfaction for her. She wasn’t clutched into a fetal ball, unable to move, or talk, anymore! She was walking on the streets of gold greeting Jesus!! She was hugging Him!! And singing His praises!! Able to do anything she wanted again! Young and strong! Greeting her Mama, an angel in her own right, both her babies she’d lost in miscarriage, Papa, and everyone who’d gone on before!!
I was sad, and crying, for myself!! Selfishly missing who she used to be, but not wanting to call her back for all the tea in China!! She was where she longed to be, and I was thrilled for her that she was there, no longer suffering here on earth.
I know if you’ve ever had a relative who was suffering so badly pass on, that you understand what I mean. ❤
This post is super long, but my Granny was so exceptional, it took a lot to do her justice!
First I’ll write about being thankful for my nuclear family, and go on from there.
I’m so thankful my parents were married! I had both parents in my home. What a blessing that is. (For the purposes of this post, I’m only gonna talk about the positive aspects of my Dad. And that they stayed married till my sister was in high school.
I’m so thankful we always had food, shelter, clothes, etc. We never had to worry about basic needs. Might not be exactly what we wanted- anybody else have to sew fabric to the bottom of their jeans so they weren’t high waters?? Only if you were tall, and had to shop at yard sales, I guess! lol
Close enugh!
Yeah, fun times! Thankfully, my Mama was a seamstress, and always fixed ’em right up for me. When she was little, her Mama, my Granny, was sewing them dresses outta croker sacks, so I was really grateful that it was only short jeans for me!!
Just in case you don’t know, crocker sacks were what flour came in back then, like 25 pound sacks.
This was how women chose their fabric during the Great Depression!
Dad took us to church, every time the doors were open, since he was the pastor.
Once when I was 8, I was sitting on the very end of a bench. And the boy I wanted for a boyfriend, was sitting at the other end, 10 feet away. No one was between us. I kept eyeing him, and he’d pretend not to notice. Then, he’d eye me. And occasionally we’d smile at each other, shyly.
Wouldn’t you know it, “Melinda!” Dad’ stern voice echoed thru the church. “Come up here to the front row, and pay attention to the service.” Of, Lord. Talk about the walk of shame!! I had to grab my Bible, with my head hanging low, face all aflame!! and sit on the front pew, where all transgressors are banished to.
The only other time that happened, was when I was passing notes with my aunt Sherry. Same call down, same walk of shame. You’d think I would have learned the first time!! But the 2nd cured me good!! I never made another peep, or note, or glance around EVER again!!! I am a hard head, but I’m also capable of learning!! 😉
We went on family trips: Disney world was a very memorable one. The Haunted House terrified me!! And the Tea Cups made me dizzy sick!! Oh well, the Mickey ice creams sure were tasty!!
Mama taught me how to clean house, and do chores. Too bad that those lessons didn’t make it into my adulthood!! It wasn’t for lack of her trying tho! The house just got dirty again, so why bother?? I’d rake it out, when it got waist high! 😉
Teaching me to sew was something I was interested, so those lessons stuck! Also, sewing on a button came in very handy in college! I made me some money there, from the poor helpless boys!! Also, I did remember the laundry lessons enough to make some money there too. Plus, I got my clothes washed free!! I was quite the entrepreneur in college! Being dirty poor will make you innovate!! I also collected cans to recycle, can’t forget I typed papers!
Back to Dad. He taught us the importance of reading the Bible, and praying every day. Another lesson that slipped away, till I came back to the Lord. Then, in swam up from the depths of my conscious, and was renewed.
The importance of regular church attendance, and fellowship with like minded Christians.
And tithing! Boy, he gave us our dollar allowance in dimes, when we were real young. He made us count them out. 10 dimes, and the first one belong to God as tithe. So, he’ll hold that one. Next one to save, so he’d take that one to hold. Then, you can spend the other 8 dimes on whatever you want. Making sure it was wholesome. Can’t spend it all on candy!! So, on Sunday, he’d give us back the first dime, and watch to make sure we put it in the offering plate. The second one he saved for us. Can’t remember if it it was in a jar or whatever. If you didn’t tithe, you were robbing God!! I kept that commandment, (even tho it’s not a commandment), even when I was sinning. I’d do wrong, but NO WAY was I gonna rob God! I’d go to hell for that! Never mind all the other stuff I was doing.
Malachi 3:8-10 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings. Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation. Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.
Emphasis mine.
Anyway, Dad taught us how to handle a gun. And if we killed it, we had to eat it. Hunting wasn’t for pleasure. Gag!! I hated eating that poor robin I shot!! It was an accident- believe you me! Mama baked it, and I managed to choke down enough of it to satisfy Dad. If you see a robin, DON’T Shoot it!!
How to put oil in a car, change a tire, and how to drive a stick shift. I HATED doing all this at the time- but boy, when I was stuck with a flat tire, and no traffic going by, I said lots of Thank you Dads!! And I even thanked him when I got home!
Mama made me learn the house stuff, cooking, cleaning etc. When Bubba was born, I learned lots about tending to a baby. I was almost 3. I picked him up, walked across the room, sat down and rocked him to sleep. Meanwhile Mama is almost stroking out! All’s well that ends well! Also, I thought it was terrific fun to rinse out his cloth diapers in the toilet. Was I brain damaged?? That’s just what ya did in them days. Dump the poop, flush, then dunk up and down, squeezing, till ya got the rest of the residue off. When Sis was born, I learned ALL about tending a baby, cuz she was my living baby doll!! I was 8 1/2 when she was born, so I gave her bottles. I picked her up, and changed her diapers when she cried. It’s really a wonder my parents ever got any time with their own child!! I’m very serious when I say she was my child!
That’s about all, I guess. Except that if ya hear rattling, and buzzing in the palmettos, it’s probably a rattler!! It was 6 ft long! And don’t go near it’s head, cuz it could still bite you!!
Thank you, Dad and Mama for all the lessons ya taught us!! We wouldn’t be functioning members of society with ya!!
The 3rd person I’m grateful for is Holy Spirit. He is the 3rd person the Trinity.
Back in my day, we called him Holy Ghost,
John 14:26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
But I guess Casper the friendly ghost kinda made that A PROBLEM!
So now, He’s called Holy Spirit. Same thing, maybe less problematic?
Psalm 51:11Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
So, He was called Holy Spirit in the old Testament too, so it really don’t matter!! Ain’t nothing but a thang!
Luke 11:13If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?
Whichever name you say, Holy Spirit, or Holy Ghost, He knows you’re calling Him! He ain’t particular, or offended!!
I was filled with the Holy Ghost at age 13, in youth camp chapel. It was so cool!! Just basking in the pure presence of God! Nobody else existed right then, just me and Him!!
Then, the strangest thing happened!
The girl beside me started speaking in a heavenly language that I’d never heard before! But, I started being able to understand her! Talk about mind-blowing!! At that point, I understood everything she was saying! She was talking about a missionary overseas, I think. I wish I’d written it down!
Since then, mostly in adulthood, I’m spoken in tongues, almost everyday, once I got back to God, and wasn’t rebelling, and acting like a whore? Sinner? Total jerk? Any name you choose to insert.
Several times, I’ve also had the interpretation too, mostly when I’m praying for an individual, when we’re alone. I’ve never had it in church, except once. I was too terrified to say it, in case I was wrong! The pastor kept saying, “Someone has the interpretation.” But, I just kept quiet, and eventually he gave it, and it was exactly what Holy Spirit told me! Duh!!
Some of you might not understand at all, what I’m talking about.
Please email me at purpleslobinrecovery@gmail.com I’ll be glad to talk to you!!
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