Wed. April 21, my Dad fell in the bathroom. He had jerry-rigged up a homemade thin pipe railing, by the toilet. when he pulled on it, it broke. The ambulance crew had an extremely hard time getting him out of his trailer. #1 He fell between the wall and the toilet, and was wedged in. He’s the same height, and weight as me. A big boy! #2 You know how small trailer halls are, so they had to manuever him onto a tarp. #3 They drug him down the ramp, to the stretcher. I can’t imagine the pain of that rough ride!
After all his tests, he had a fractured back, and Covid. So of course, he was quarantined. That devastated Rosemary, his wife. We called every day, but didn’t always get ahold of him. I stayed with her, since she’s deaf, and can’t use the phone. I’d tell her what he said, and she’d talk into the phone to answer him.
I told him I loved him, too. And not to worry, I’d take care of Rosemary, and everything else. I was so grateful Not and I had begun in Jan. to clear out that sunroom/storage shed. As soon as I heard fractured back, and Covid, I knew this would end in death. The only question was how long.
At first, Rosemary didn’t realize this, and she kept telling him she couldn’t wait for him to come home. There was some talk about rehab, but not much. It was evident to everyone except Rosemary, that he wouldn’t be going anywhere else.
It was SO HARD on her to be without him! They’d been married 8 years, and only spent 1 night apart.
On the next Tue, I told her I had to go home and sleep. I only made it as far as Mama’s, and after visiting an hour, I told her I had to take a nap, since everything hurt so much, I couldn’t move. I ended up sleeping from 5:30 pm, till 10:30 the next morning! I was worn to a frazzle.
Back to Rosemary’s. Due to his agitation, they had to tie him down. He kept trying to punch them, and take out his IV’s. Even more heart ache for both him, and Rosemary.
Of course, he developed pneumonia. Then, the Friday after a week, he developed a blood clot in his arm. Thankfully I sent Not up there with a copy of his living will, with the name of his funeral home, where Michelle had bought his prepaid funeral plan, only 1 short year ago. I was SO grateful we didn’t have to worry about that!!
That night he became unresponsive. Sunday morning the Dr. called to discuss end of life measures. According to his living will, nothing to be done, except pain relief. I was his 2nd medical surrogate, so I was able to direct that a DNR be written, and stop all meds except pain relief. That night I went home to sleep again.
But, I only got 3 hours, before the nurse called, and said come now for last goodbyes. I was delirious from lack of sleep. Thankfully DD1 was not. So she drove me to Rosemary’s. I had a key, but she had put the chains on both doors!! It took me 15 minutes, at least of screaming thru a tiny crack in the door, and banging, to wake her up. I was SO LOUD, DD1 was afraid the Neighborhood Watch would come get me! Eventually she heard me, got dressed, and was ready to go. It seemed as if it took forever.
DD1 had already called Michelle. She was closer, so she got there first. Thankfully, she made it in time. We were FIVE minutes too late. Rosemary didn’t realize it at first. I didn’t tell her either. I wanted her to find out herself.
So, now we have buried him, last Fri.
Michelle and I both spoke. Bubba was there too. Mama, Rosemary of course, Rose, our first step mom, and all 6 of his living siblings. 5 grandchildren. None of us had even met his 3rd wife, and they were only married a few months, before she called the sheriff to help her get away from the “loco.” So, no attempt was even made to find her.
I was very careful to stay neutral even tho I know he is hell, along with so many other people who know. I had asked him to say the sinner’s prayer with me, and repent, the Mon. before he lapsed into the coma. So pridefully, he answered, “Nope! Don’t need that! I’m saved!” Right then, it comfirmed to me he was going to hell, because he refused to humble himself before God, and admit he even had any sins. Every Christian- true Christian- will say the sinner’s prayer with you, ANY time you ask! We ALL know, and recognize we sin every day. And never pass up any opportunity to ask God for forgiveness.
Michelle spoke about all his pastorates. But even those were poison fruits, due to all the abuse we were enduring at home.
Several people have scolded me for daring to judge him, since only God can judge. Yes, only God can judge his heart. But the Bible also says, you can judge a person’s life by their fruits. EVERY fruit in his life was poison. Even the good things he did, were still poison, like I said before. He has ALWAYS, since adulthood, had hidden sins he refused to acknowledge, and repent of. And this last marriage, (his 6th, Mama and Rose both twice, then Rosa, finally Rosemary), was no different. He was a wonderful Prince Charming who rescued her. For 2 years. Then, the last 6 she endured ALL the kinds of abuse we did, and more.
He was an EVIL person. Rosemary said at his funeral, after Sis and I spoke, that he was mentally ill, and just needed the right kind of medicine. NOPE! He was the very same way, except worse, since he married Mama, at 19. So, no excuses, no passes.
Several times over the years, when he’d want me to visit him, I’d refuse. And tell him I couldn’t, because I was still in counseling due to dealing with the abuse. EVEN 52 years LATER!! So horrible. And he’d say, “I’m sorry IF I did anything to hurt you.” The deceit of that statement dug a sharp knife into my wounds, and twisted it.
But God gave me a premonition he would die soon, back in Jan. That’s why I started visiting him, and Not and I began the un-hoarding work. And I sent him a long email of 20 things he HAD to prepare before he died. He did most of them. He wrote lots of passwords, etc. But none to his banks, or credit cards!! That was the most important!! But, I’ll get it all done, despite that. He’s gone and buried. Never to hurt anyone else ever again, thankfully. Now it’s just all paperwork, and helping Rosemary deal with life as a widow.
I have no regrets of any kind. My oldest aunt, and I spent time with him on his birthday, the first time in probably more than 3 decades. He was so happy. I am carrying out his final wishes, and taking of Rosemary. Everytime I spoke to him, or emailed since Jan., I told him I loved him. I forced the words out past a huge lump in my throat every time. But I knew it would be over soon, and I was determined not to have regrets of any kind. I always prayed to love him. And every time I learned some new deparavity of his, after I let my rage out, I said out loud, “I forgive you, Dad.” And I asked God to make it true.
Despite the fact that I have forgiven him, and told him I loved him, and asked God to make those 2 things true; I still want to publish far and wide all the evil things he did. I want public recognition, I guess of his true self. But, I can’t. If I am to keep saying, “I forgive you,” and “I loved him.” Then, I can’t denounce him to the world now. We who endured it, know. And want to forget it. No one else needs to know, at this point. He is suffering the tortures of the damned. And he chose that end, of his own free will. That is what is truly tragic about his life. He once knew true love of God, and Mama, and then turned away.
Please, if you don’t know Jesus as your personal Savior, turn to Him today!! We are not promised even 1 more breath!
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believed in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.”
If that’s the only verse in the whole Bible that you ever know, then you can be saved, and go to heaven. And spend eternity with God the Father, and God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Please don’t neglect your soul!! That decision is the most important one of your whole life, and eternity!!
If you’ve read all the way thru this sad story, thanks for honoring me, with the compassion of listening.