I debated long and hard about writing this post. But, y’all have always been with me thru thick and thin. The good, the bad, the ugly. Remember the maggots?? That post is gone now, since I quit paying for the domain. Probably for the best.
Anyway, back to what I was saying. On the 17th, only 3 short days after Valentine’s, and only 2 days after I published https://purpleslobinrecovery20.design.blog/2021/02/15/very-valentine/
I found out why the flowers.
He was cheating on me.
My sis forwarded a message on FB, from one of her friends, concerning a guy trying to friend her, who had porn on his profile. Unlucky for him, that he chose that particular woman. Lucky for me. I woke him up, and told him to log onto his FB. Of course he fumbled around, and said he couldn’t remember PW, since he just woke up.
So, I pulled up his profile, and pointed to the porn. He blanched. “How did you do that?” Apparently you didn’t know that profiles are public, huh?
So, I made him march back to his room and I grabbed his phone, locked. OF course. I made him unlock it, and grabbed it again, before he had any time to delete anything. The first things that pulled up were messages from 3 women. I only read the first one, and got sick to my stomach.
WHAT is this?? Somehow I kept my voice calm, and even, not yelling. “It’s only a game.” He was yelling. A GAME?? “It’s only a word game.” It’s not a GAME to me! Again with the “It’s only a game, to see what they’ll say.” He kept screaming, I kept calm.
I read their texts outloud. “I love you, HK.” he said. HK was our secret code for hugs, and kisses. At least I thought it was OUR secret code. Apparently, it was his code to whatever woman he was talking to at the time. She answered the same. “I can’t wait to see you again.” Her answer echoed his.
I said Did you meet her in person? “NO!” I don’t believe you.
So, Again I read the first lines aloud, and said, These are the same exact words you wrote in my Valentine’s card, only 3 short days ago. So either you love her, and you’re lying to me, or you love me, and are lying to her. Which is it?
He yelled, “I love you!” Then why are you texting other women? And telling them you love them? In the same exact words you wrote to me??? I don’t believe you.
I don’t believe you, was my answer for every word he said.
I will take the car, and I want $600 a month support. “NO! That’s my car, and I need it!” You have your little beater truck. You drive it all over the county to junk, you can certainly drive it to church. (I have the car sitting outside, right now.)
Take me to my mother’s please. But we had to wait till 7 am. No way was I going to wake her up at 2 am. I stayed there 2 nights, not knowing where I would live after 2 weeks of staying with her.
Thankfully DD1″s roomie moved out on Sat, and she asked me to move in.
From her apt here, well I guess it’s our apt now, is where I wrote, “https://purpleslobinrecovery20.design.blog/2021/02/25/calm-corner/
Everyone thinks I’m devastated. Actually, after the first shock, horror, and being MAD, I’m sorta relieved. He has been emotionally unavailable for a looooong time. After this second marriage, the honeymoon lasted about 9 months, then it was back to his behavior for the last 11 years of the previous 13 yr marriage. Why did I think things would be different?? Hope springs eternal.
This 5th time around, (2 marriages to first hub, 3nd to Bobby who died, now 2 to this husband, I won’t label him Dear anymore), I’ve finally learned my lessons. I’ve done everything I know how to be a good wife. My deep depressions were very hard on him, I’m sure. But they are not my fault, and no excuse for him to go outside the marriage. I was right there, craving his love and attention, and not receiving it.
Both of my first marriages, I cheated. Then I was diagnosed bi-polar, after I went to rehab for 3 weeks for my drinking. The Dr said both drinking, and sexual acting out were very common signs of bi-polar. No cheating on Bobby, we were only married 2 months, before he died. He had been in prison for 2 yrs, after our inital 18 months together. (Previous parole violation he had to take care of.) Our first marriage to now husband, I cheated, with an old, dear friend who had been in love with me since we were 18. Again, it was the same situation of starving for love, and attention, which is not an excuse. Then, he cheated, to even the score. At that age, you’d think we would have more mature than that. SMH
So, as I said, this time I learned all my lessons. I did everything I could. I was faithful. So now, I have a release. Jesus said,
Matthew 5:32But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery:
This also applies in the reverse. If he commits adultery, then she is innocent. Which I am.
I probably overshared. You might not have wanted to hear all that, but I felt I needed to make the situation clear, and take my part of the responsibilities for our previous marriage when I broke trust, and committed adultery.
Thank y’a SO much for being here for me!! ❤
If I forgot someone, please forgive! ❤
Now my new life begins!! Looking forward to the adventure!