Frail Friday

Today is Saturday, 9/25/2021.

And ya wanna know something ironic??

But of course they do! That’s why they follow you so breathlessly!

Yesterday, I…… wait for it……. fell. Yup. Sure enough! I got up around 1 pm, I think it was, cuz PP stayed up till around 11, talking my ear off. Not that you need any excuse to sleep late!

Thankfully, I went potty first thing. Then I heard a knock on the door. Answering it, I found our grocery delivery. So, I got a metal frame chair, sat in the doorway, and pulled in all the frozen, and cold items. When I was finished, I tried to push the chair back a bit, so I could get up. Instead, the chair had other ideas, and I went down. Our tile floors are not very even, so probably the leg caught on the lip of one. And the back legs bent all the way back. That poor chair will never be the same! 1 more piece of metal for DH to recycle!

One loud scream! PP rushed over and hugged me very gently, saying, “I love you, Omie!!” I love you too baby.

It took a few hours, ok, minutes, for DD1 to come out of her room. “Who screamed??” As she rounded the hall corner, she said, “Oh, it was you , Mama.”

What was your first clue?? Sorry, that was snarky.

Thank GOD!! PP’s huge floor pillow was right there, and my right shoulder and head landed there. God is so good to me!!

CC came in, and gasped seeing me on the floor. “Are you ok, Omie?” Not really, baby, no.

Could someone please call 911????

PP grabbed her phone, that she had dropped, and dialed 9-1-1. It doesn’t even have cell service, so DD1 was astonished that the call went thru. (Any charged up phone will make that emergency call, service or no.) She said, “My grandma fell, and she can’t get up.” Oh no!! I’ve become a commercial!

She didn’t remember our address, so she handed the phone to Mommy. (We gotta work on that!) I made the mistake of saying, “Hand me a croissant, I’m hungry!” The dispatcher heard me, dang it! “Absolutely DO NOT give her anything to eat or drink!!” Man, me and my big mouth!! I should have whispered it!

The paramedics were here really fast!! And they pulled the chair out from under my butt. At least that felt better!! Wonder if I had stripes on my backside?? No one checked, dang it!

They immediately put the cervical collar on me. Hello, old friend, wish I’d never have had to see you again!

Then they asked, if I could sit up, against the wall. Ummm, did you not see me sprawled out on the floor, when you came in???

They helped me scooch a few inches, and pulled me up to a sitting position.

Then, they had the nerve to ask, whether I wanted to go to the hospital or not!! Uh, no, I think I’ll go for a jog around the lake, instead. ARGH!!

“Can you get up, and walk to the stretcher??” If looks could kill…..

So, it was decided I needed a back board. Roll over! Roll over!

I chose to go to the hospital a little further away, cuz that’s where all my records are, plus, I know they handle stuff quickly! I’d never been to the closest one, and I was NOT in the mood to wait around for hours!!

As they were wheeling me out, I asked if any of them were Christians. They all said no, so I gave a quick Gospel message. I want to make sure I take as many people with me to heaven, as I can!!

The ride was a … not gonna say what first came to mind!! But I screamed several times, over the bumps. WHY do ambulances NOT have smooth shocks????

I was immediately put in a room, and transferred to bed. Well, bed might be stretching it a bit. More like a gurney. But it had rails!! I wouldn’t be falling out of it!!

Nurse came in, and hooked me up to stuff. Do you know they now have a system called Pure Flow, something like that?? It’s an external catheter thing, with gentle suction! The inventor deserves a billion dollars!! Seriously!! (Purewick, now available for home!! I WILL be getting one of them!! As fast as I can grab DH’s credit card!!)

One-time Buy

$712.89^/ca Less than a thousand!! Come to Mama!!! No more diapers!!

https://www.shoplet.com/Bard-Home-Health-Div-PureWick-Female-External-Catheter

The nurse said the man that invented it, did so because wife was in hospice, and kept getting infections from the catheters. Why did it take till 2020 to invent this??? Proof that men don’t care about women’s issues!! Until it’s their mother, wife, or daughter. But why didn’t a woman invent it decades ago?? Well, you didn’t either, so shut up. Yes, ma’am!

Ok, sorry, got a little distracted there. But, if you’re a woman, you’ll understand the huge significance of this break through!!

I asked for pain meds. The Dr. came in and said, “Well, we were gonna give you morphine, but I see you’re allergic.” That’s exactly WHY I wanted to go to LRMC!!!

Instead, in a little bit, they come in with a Percocet PILL!!!

I said, “Seriously???? I’m strapped to a back board, with a neck brace, and you expect me to swallow a PILL?? ‘Fraid I can’t do that, without choking to death. I’d rather not today! I asked for a Dilaudid shot. The Dr. came back in and said, “We can’t do that. Why would you need such a powerful med like that?”

“Because I am in #11 pain!! And that’s always the shot I get when I fall. NOT a PILL!!”

Nope, can’t do that. But they were gonna give me morphine!! And now Dilaudid is too strong?? Am I in the Twilight Zone??

Instead they brought me a shot of Norflex. When I asked what it was in the needle, they said, “Muscle Relaxer.” BUT I NEED a PAIN SHOT!! My muscles relaxing are NOT going to take away the pain!! Trust me!! Been thru this too many times!!

Got the shot anyway. Still loudly asking for PAIN shot. Still not getting it. MAD FACE!!

Hey, lookie there! Blue eyes!! They just forgot to put in the small spot of brown, in my right eye. Otherwise, spot on!

Maybe they thought you were asking for a shot that would GIVE you pain! And they were fresh out! But of course that was it! Why didn’t I think of that??

Anyway, back to the story.

I witnessed to a bunch of people, about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Only 1 lady was saved. But now they know the way to salvation!!

X=rays. No broken bones in hip, or ankle!! Thank You God!!

Then a CAT scan.

The cleaner lady, kept going back and forth in front of my room, sweeping, and humming. I knew it was a Gospel song, just couldn’t think of the name right then. Yup! Pain’ll do that to ya! Every time she walked by, the Holy Spirit prompted me to talk to her, but I didn’t.

When the Dr. came back, she said “No broken bones anywhere!!” Thank You, Jesus! “But, you have lesions on L1, and L2. You’ll have to follow up with your Dr. and get more tests done.”

Uh, what are lesions on my spine?

“It could be different things, such as cancer.”

CANCER?? WHAT??

“No, no, don’t get upset.”

DON”T GET UPSET?? TOO LATE!!

“It could be other things, cysts, or bone spurs perhaps.”

THEN WHY DID YOU LEAD WITH CANCER?? AND CAUSE ME TO PEE MY PANTS?? (Oh, yeah, I forgot the magic machine. So, I didn’t really pee my pants, just added some contents to the bag really quickly!!)

She needs a refresher course on bedside manner!! She done forgot everything they tried to teach her!!

Wishing I had my Xanax!!

Finally, she said I could take off the neck brace. Then they brought that dang Percosett pill back. Now that I could sit up!! I gobbled it down!!

Then I had to walk 3 steps. If I could bear my weight, I’d have to be admitted.

Mama arrived!! YAY!!

Sissy, Michelle, was out in the car waiting.

It took hours! Okay, 30 minutes for the nurse to bring me discharge papers. Alrighty then, ready to go!

Another lifetime before Nurse Brandon came in with a huge wheelchair, and parked it by the bed. “Go ahead and get in. I’ll be back in 2 minutes to wheel you out.”

I looked at the back of his head, in disbelief, as he tootled out the door.

Here I have a yellow FALL RISK bracelet on, and he leaves, telling me to get up, and get myself into the w/c.

Real smart, there, guy. Do I need to retrain Every Body in this place??

So, I did. And Mama timed his absence. At 22 minutes, her patience was gone!! So, I used my toes, to tippy toe out into the hall.

Remember that humming cleaning lady?? She was standing right outside my room, waiting to clean it. I said, “What were you humming? I enjoyed it.”

“A hymn.” I knew it!! I asked if she was saved. “No.” Then your Mama is, right? “Yes.” I knew it! If you’re singing hymns, and you’re not saved, your Mama is! So, I know she’s praying every day for you.

“She was, but, she’s in heaven now.” Mama told her about the golden bowls where God saves prayers.

Revelation 8:3And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne.

Psalm 56:8Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

I can’t find the bowls right now. Ya have to have the exact phrase, on Biblegateway.com and I can’t remember it right now.

So, I asked her name, and we told her we’d be praying for her. We want her to join her Mama in heaven. And we did. And we will continue to pray for her salvation.

Finally home!! (After Sissy drove thru Steak n Shake. I was starving!! And thirsty!!)

I wore a diaper, cuz I was so exhausted, and I had been so dry almost 24 hours, so almost not even wet, when I got up!! That probably won’t happen again! lol

DH went and got my meds. Oxycodone!! That’s what I’m talking about!!

After a good night’s sleep, I do think I’ll live. But best not be writing about wrecks, and falls anymore!!